Why do the very best, most well intentioned goals… disappear?
Because you and I are made up of many parts.
When I decided to quit drinking alcohol, because of how it made me feel the next morning and what it was doing to get in the way of my health, I thought about it for years as I talked myself in circles of “night tonight… not tonight… not tonight”.
I would actually find research to prove that alcohol wasn’t such a bad thing and that I deserved to have a little, I’d worked really hard or I was out with the girls so it’s totally fine now.
But waking up the next day with brain fog and puffy eyes was not how I wanted to feel or begin my day. It was great in the moment and then the aftermath became war.
The truth is, on those nights when I didn’t drink, I felt off.
I felt like I wasn’t able to relax or connect and I told myself I was missing out.
The war inside my mind and body was crippling.
What was wrong with me? Where’s my willpower, I’d ask myself? It isn’t that hard, I’d say to myself, just don’t do it!
I couldn’t. It was part of me, it was a place in my world and I both hated it and loved it.
Same thing with certain foods. I’d buy them knowing they made me feel sluggish, bloated, like “brush-my-teeth-after-so-I-didn’t-feel-gross” bad. I’d know ALL the things I should be and shouldn’t be doing, but I did it anyway.
I bought it.
I walked it into the house.
I ate it.
Not a little bit.
There were some “treats” I literally couldn’t stop thinking about it until it was gone.
I promised myself a raging hard workout the next day to pay for my “disgusting choices” (this is how my inside judging, criticizing, shaming part used to sound like).
Shame + guilt on repeat.
And I felt like a failure.
Our parts are like a giant family inside us.
When we are torn between the reality of where we are and the goal of where we want to go, it’s because what we have been doing feels uncomfortable for one part of us (maybe it’s even spilling into feeling uncomfortable around family or friends or impacting your health) and another part inside feels very good, happy, comfortable.
I hear this all the time, “I want to lose weight”.
And when I was overweight, all I could think about was getting it off.
Your body is always changing to best perform in the environment and conditions its given.
Your parts and your emotions will use any and every means possible to keep you perceivably safe. If you don’t feel safe, supported, happy and/or love by changing or starting a new habit, it won’t stick.
If there is a part of your life that feels out of control, you have less to give to the safeness, support, growing happiness or redefining love for that new you.
When you are ready to shift something in your life, ask yourself:
1. What is the payoff for the behavior or habit OR for not starting the behavior or habit. It’s not your fault, remember a part of you is working very hard to protect you from moving forward. The part of you that sabotages (yes, especially that one) wants something good for you and thinks this way of doing things is the only way. It feels good. Remember it’s just one part of YOU, it’s not all of you. Let that part of you know you get why it does what it does. Most of the time, that’s all that’s needed to feel a shift.
2. What is the feeling you get from staying the same? What is the feeling you will get from shifting? What is the smallest step you can take with the least amount of effort? If you hate the idea of getting up at 5a to workout, don’t. Pick an easier time that works for YOU. If you feel like you have to lose weight to join a Pilates class, visit the Studio and align yourself with people who make you feel amazing in your own skin. We love it at Mindful Evolutions that every body is welcome. If you want to stop drinking alcohol, uncover what the feelings you feel or what feelings you don’t want to feel. If you are looking for an alternative that doesn’t leave you feeling bloated, brain fog or hungover, my favorite alcohol free drink is called “Feel Free”, made by Botanical Tonics and is exclusively sold in KC at Mindful Evolutions. It’s zero calories, zero sugars, zero carbs and is made from Kava which has been used in the South Pacific for centuries for it’s relaxing, calming, anti-anxiety, energy boosting qualities. There are ways to connect, cope and feel alive beyond alcohol. It was one of the hardest things but most life changing shifts I’ve ever made to be free. If you have a part of you that wants to also, you can.
They are all a part of you.
Hating yourself won’t create love.
Hating yourself won’t make you thin.
Hating your habits won’t make them go away.
Hating the steps that have brought you to this moment in your life won’t make you happy.
Hating the “bad” foods or the “good” foods won’t change your health.
Accepting, learning from and understanding the parts of you that drive the habits will shift everything in a way that makes you boldly love all of you in a way nothing and no one else can.
Want to move forward with your goals unlike any other approach?
Ready for a bold step into self creation, acceptance, radical emotional growth, freedom and alignment to be the you you were meant to be, without the excess weight, the emptiness, the stuck, and the yo-yo cycle? Let’s talk and see if my one-on-one Transformational Health/Life Coaching is a perfect fit for you by hitting reply.
One of the very best things I did when I started shifting my eating habits was finding a way to eat the same foods in healthier ways. Easy choices. Tiny steps.
Have you seen ALL the amazing Pilates classes going on? We love our fun, intense, all levels Pilates Equipment group classes that strengthen and stretch your body in a way unlike ANY other exercise.
Check out Joseph Pilates and what the equipment started out as! A bed, some springs and a man with a vision.