How to stop putting band aid’s on your life, feeling stuck, burnt out and heavy so you can finally live the life you want in YOUR body, free, in control and mindfully evolving into the you you want to be.
No one talks about this stuff. When life feels like it’s going to swallow me up, I used to feel so lost.
Out of control.
Living on the starve myself, binge eat, workout, drink too much cycle.
And I couldn’t just quit. Or stop. No matter how much I knew I was stuck.
Until I uncovered these pieces of myself and what they were doing for me.
The kids have been on their electronics for hours and you still have 2 more virtual calls scheduled, you need to get something figured out for dinner and have to make sure you pressed send on that email to your boss about the report and the dishwasher is spewing bubble water. Oh, and you don’t remember the last time you didn’t inhale your food and you are behind for book club with a book you haven’t read but are leading the discussion this week and try and google the summary while you wait for the Mac n’ cheese water to boil. And your husband comes home tired, sits down, grabs a beer and turns on the t.v.
And somewhere inside, you want to run away and scream.
You shove 2 “healthy-ish full of sugar” granola bars, grab a bottle of wine and take the calls in the car.
And you have ketchup on your shirt.
Burnout is like trying to hold your face above water so you can take a breath to keep from drowning.
What we do with burnout is life changing and deeply seeded. It is a portal to mindfully evolving into what you want to feel instead mentally and physically.
Control.
Balance.
Space.
Energy.
Alive.
Present.
Freedom.
Your youness. Maybe you don’t even know what that means for you. I didn’t.
The rent you pay to exist on this Earth is more than a completed to-do list and a number on the scale.
Have you ever wondered, “Why do I feel like I always have to earn my way to the feeling I never get to feel, complete. Accomplished. Appreciated. Present in my own life.”
We all have parts.
And we all have Self.
Self energy has no agenda, no judgement, no where to be or do, is fully accepting, curious and compassionate.
That’s a little tough to find sometimes.
Understanding your parts, how they take action for you and what their job is is a HUGE first step in awareness, which leads to finding your power which leads to freedom.
A new diet, a date night, a job change, a new pair of shoes… will not “fix” anything more than temporarily.
Until we know who we are being and what we need, these are just band-aids.
Sometimes, we need a band-aid. Eat the cookie. Binge watch t.v. Drink the wine.
Knowing when your in a band-aid verses showing up to do the work to heal is… big.
So what are parts?
Parts of us are our emotions, our jobs in lives, our ways we show up or don’t, our coping mechanisms, our wants, our desires, our entire system.
We need them.
But they don’t always have to do the job in the way they think they do. More on that shift later…
There are no bad parts.
Every part of you wants to take care of you in the very best way it knows how. If we truly believe that, how can we hate that part? Another big shift.
Every part has a story with experiences and emotions.
Parts can and are most often stuck in the past, their jobs born out of something we believed we “should” or “should not” do, something we saw those we looked up to doing or something (most of the time a feeling) we try to feel or shove away.
Every part has a job and there is a payoff for it’s job, otherwise, it wouldn’t do it.
Even if the payoff feels bad, wrong, sabotages, makes you feel like a giant f-up, lost, fat, alone, enraged, frustrated, happy, sick or broke, there is a perceived payoff.
So think of it like exploring all the personalities of you and their agendas.
Like really, what is their agenda for you and how long has that personality or part been doing that for you?
Ever experienced a 5 year old be asked to clean up their room when they don’t want to and then a different time when you bought them an ice cream cone that they really wanted? THOSE are some different parts (personalities) showing up, right?!!
How about when you’ve had a crazy hard day at work and you get home, put the comfy clothes on and inhale everything in sight? There may be a part in there wanting to relax, unwind and its job is taking comfort in be home and comfort foods that soothe even though it makes you hate yourself for not having enough willpower to stop eating.
Was there ever a time on a vacation where you felt like time stood still, you weren’t worried about anything else but soaking in the moments? There may be a quiet, curious, incredibly grateful part in you that appreciates the space of those moments without having to “be” or “do” the pressures of regular life and possibly a little resistant to want to go back to real life so you toggle between loving this and hating what’s coming after the vacation and miss feeling fully present.
Or when your sister calls you and brace for impact on what new drama she has unfolding, 2 hours worth of unfolding on you. There may be a begrudging, resentful, guilt feeling part that wants to do something else but feels obligated to caretake because that’s what you were taught “you just do” in the name of “love and family” even though it drains you completely.
Maybe it’s as simple as watching the news and feeling a tightness in your stomach and a tension in your shoulders.
Maybe you want to connect with your spouse but instead pour a glass of wine. Or leave.
Maybe you try on the pants you’ve been so excited to wear and they don’t fit great, your uncomfortable and through on something else you don’t love and beat yourself up about it and get “back on the diet” to control yourself.
How to show up for Your Self like never before.
1. Give your parts a name. It could be a list or a map or some scribbles on a napkin.
Here’s my parts list. Does anybody else have any of these parts on their list too?
Mom
Business owner
Nature
Curious
Triggered
Caretaker
Housemaid
Task master
Drill Sargent
Obsessive about ____.
Creator
Artist
Dreamer
Happy
Reclusive
Explorer
Diabetic
White
Woman
Over 40
Pilates
Mess
Former food/body image/alcohol destroyer
Writer
Overwhelmed
Healer
Inspiration
Resilient
Little girl in 2nd, 6th, 11th grade
Almost divorced twice
Teacher
Learner
Parts might be named by their job, the emotions or behaviors they carry, the person, color, experience they remind you of, anything that may or may not make sense right now. Build trust in whatever comes up.
2. Who are you being when your “in” a part? When you feel like your blended with a part like it IS you. Pick one to get to know. Like a child or a friend sitting next to you, let that part of you have a seat at the table in your mind and let it feel safe to talk, feel seen and heard without having to change anything or be anything. No judgement. Just curiosity.
Questions to ask the part: What is your job? Where do you show up in my life? What triggers you? What makes you feel safe? What energy do you carry? How old are you? Do you see me/know me/see how old I am/how I’m doing with life now? Who or what are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do your job in the way that you do? Where and how do I notice your with me in my body? Do I feel my stomach churn, my shoulders tighten, my eyes looking away, my cold shoulder, an old injury fire up?
Just breathe. And listen. Let the part be free to be exactly as it is.
3. What do you really need? What does that part protect? Why is it’s job so important? What drives it’s habits in your life? What if there was a way to do it’s job without the burden, the exhaustive loop it keeps repeating? Who’s voice is that that says you “have to” or “else x will happen”? What (positive) intention did they truly have by passing their trauma to you?
It’s so much easier to stay stuck. It’s much easier to numb, shove down, distract ourselves instead of doing this powerful and amazing work. But you can do it and I’m here for you. My clients love this work because they aren’t told another way to diet, organize or exercise.
They get to be themselves in every way and shift from “I can’t have that to I don’t want that.”
The one who’s still afraid, unsure and showing up for herself like never before.
The one who notices when she’s in a habit loop and gives it a big hug rather than shames it.
The one who doesn’t try and avoid negative thoughts, moods or emotions but opens up a beautiful safe space to be human, create boundaries for and asks for what she really needs.
The one in the mirror. The little girl that needs you now. Hold her tightly and let her see how strong and grown up you are, how much you do for others and how hard you’ve been trying. Let her know your here now and ready to show up differently.
The next step is allowing the right support, the right system and the right steps to help you powerfully shift the ways your parts sabotage you into working for you in a way that lifts you up, sheds the mental weight and gives you the balance and connection your system most desires.
Message me for more details on my upcoming Fall Session of “M.E. Rising” Transformational Group Coaching Tribe where you will get to know the real reasons why you stay stuck with relationships, weight, food, burnout and life and shift everything in a way that makes sense to you, that feels amazing in your skin, that feels like you can finally breathe for the first time in maybe decades…
Your way.
Space is limited. 12 weeks, meetings one hour, once a week and private link to our group through the app for daily support when you need it most.
This is going to be big. Trust the timing of your life.
Ready to get started now in 1:1 Solo Life Coaching or Couple Life Coaching?
I have 2 spots open, this could be your greatest investment in your relationship to yourself or each other.
Forward to a friend who needs this, you never know what light and love you may bring by helping them love themselves better.
Xoxo,
Christy
P.S. Mindful Evolutions is closing for mountain therapy August 7-17. But don’t worry, I’ll have live workouts from some of the most beautiful places on the planet. Stay tuned for details.