A code book that was begun before you knew words, around food.
Whatever happened from those youngest beginning times, throughout your childhood, through adulthood, the culture you experience, the news you watch then and now, the conversations around the dinner table, all of it shapes this code book written into your psyche.
Somewhere in there is a chapter on “diet”.
You probably squirmed a little in your chair reading that word.
It’s a word that for many is coated in shame, guilt, emptiness, self loathing and chains.
Let’s let it go.
Here’s to writing a new story.
Here’s to starting a new relationship with yourself.
Here’s to healing the trust that was broken before you knew it was happening.
Here’s to healing your relationship with food.
Here’s to freedom.
Here’s to finding your true hunger and fullness.
Here’s to taking back your life.
Want to know more about how my 1:1 Coaching rewrites the code book on how to reset your compass, how to align with the best version of yourself and live free?
Hit reply, I want to know your story.
Xoxo,
Christy
Dear Diet,
I’m breaking up with you.
I’m not even sorry.
From the second I say yes to you, I felt like home and not in a good way.
Like I was always being policed, restricted, full of “should’s” and shame and regret.
I never felt good enough.
Every time I did what you said, I was left feeling unsatisfied and like I was going against my body’s wisdom.
I’m breaking up with you.
I cheated on you a couple times.
And the guilt was awful.
I’m a good person. Aren’t I? Maybe because I can’t seem to control myself, I’m not.
But I didn’t want to get fat so I stayed. It didn’t work because I didn’t actually loose weight, I just felt weaker and wanted away from you more.
Honestly, it was that you were so demanding and left no room for me to be myself.
I’m breaking up with you.
A doctor told me to give you a try. He said it’ll keep me from dying as if he thought you would “fix” me.
Do I need fixing?
I’m breaking up with you.
And why am I not okay by myself instead of being told I need you to survive.
Everyone has always told me to change myself.
Do this, not that.
Eat this, not that.
Love this, not that.
Don’t shine too brightly.
Don’t live too boldly.
Don’t ask for what you really want or deserve because that’s “being needy”.
Don’t take that much, it’s rude and good girls leave some for everyone else.
Don’t eat in front of them, they’ll think you aren’t even trying.
God, I’ve been trying my whole life.
I’m breaking up with you.
But at the same time I can’t figure out what’s really, truly right for me.
The grocery isles are overwhelming.
What’s that new thing that’s bad for me? Oh yeah, I ate that 4 times last week.
I probably hate you so much because you’re exactly what I need.
So then why don’t I feel better when I’m with you?
Aunt Katie loves you.
My friend Brian lost an entire human’s weight sticking with you.
The cookbook I was just gifted is titled, “1001 Ways to Love Your Diet Body” and has a super skinny, totally ripped couple on the front and they look in f’ing love with you.
Ugh.
You make me sick.
You make me tired.
You make me mad at myself.
You make me feel like a failure.
I’m breaking up with you.
But they love you.
They know what’s best for me.
I could never trust my own intuition if I wasn’t with you.
Always lingering in the back of my thoughts.
Wondering what you think of me and what you’d want me to do instead of
actually listening to my body and giving it what it needs.
Wondering how to trust myself,
eating anything I wanted knowing I could separate food and emotion,
hunger and fullness,
connection and freedom.
Wondering what they’d say when they say and how they’d judge me eating “those bad foods”.
Wondering how I’m going to stop putting your rules on everyone in my house. It feels gross to tell my family their “doing it wrong” but really that’s my own internal voice and how you’ve brainwashed me into what’s right.
I’m done counting calories.
I’m over the guilt.
I’m ready to trust myself.
I’m ready to build me.
I’m ready to be the one who knows what I need and when.
Will I think about you? Yes.
Will I call you? Probably. Trusting myself is new and scary.
I’m ready to try.
I’m ready to radically accept what shows up when I stop letting you decide what’s best for me.
Dear diet, no matter how many ways you reinvent yourself, you don’t know me.
And, I’m breaking up with you.
And it feels. So. Good.
Sincerely,
A Soul Finally Free