My ego does not want me to write this.
It says, “hey, just write about something super, duper uplifting and get on with your day.”
But my gut says, “write real, the pretty is great but the struggle is where we grow.”
So, here it goes…. triggers.
I pull up and the line is incredibly long. I decide not to wait in the drive thru line to grab a coffee. Park the car, walk in and order. I look around and see several people in masks, waiting… waiting. The people are frantically getting orders ready.
Over the next few minutes the triggers that start firing in my gut are honing in on what’s happening behind the counter. And a part of me becomes super critical. A voice creeps in and starts judging…
What is in those pumps going into all the drinks?
Does every drink have whipped cream?
Is that a desert?
Does anyone really know how much sugar is in those drinks?
Does anyone buying those understand what they are doing to their or their loved ones organs, metabolism, joints, brain function or life expectancy?
And Who. Is. Buying. This?
If you are drinking a Caramel Frappuccino extra shot of Carmel, extra whip right now you’ve probably already hit the delete button.
I understand.
Why am I allowing myself to go to a dark place in a simple waiting line?
Because I have forgotten my power in this moment that I feel uncontrollable irritability and powerlessness.
Looking back my Grandma was morbidly obese. She rode a scooter through the grocery store buying foods that kept her feeling loved, full, comfort, safety, temporarily joyful, stuck, depressed, tired and in a battle with Type 2 Diabetes, high blood pressure, shortness of breath, taking multiple pills everyday and in a constant state of overwhelming fatigue. She could not do more than 3 stairs ever. She took a nap every couple hours for a couple hours. She parked the car in the front yard so as to shorten her walk to the front door. Her knees were bone on bone from years of carrying her weight. She ate lots of sugar because it tasted good and it helped her feel love and belonging in a life of rejection, abuse and two steps forward, three steps back.
It never told her no, it never turned her down, it never argued.
She and I ate sugar together and I learned how to “be” with sugar.
So, in these moments waiting for my coffee, my judgements are not really about the world outside of me and what I’m witnessing, it’s the story I’m telling myself about it.
My relationship to sugar is not anyone else’s relationship to sugar.
Living with Type 1 Diabetes for 38 years and my Grandma’s Type 2 Diabetes shaped my story for sure. I used to drink and eat the same things I see being made behind the counter!
Most of the time, we shove down these feelings that are often seen as “bad” or “judgemental” or “toxic”.
They are not bad, they teach us where we hold trauma, disassociation and a powerful place to turn the flashlight on ourselves.
They hold an uncovering.
They hold power for reprogramming and recreating our relationship to food, trauma, love and ourselves.
They hold acceptance for what we can change and a space for letting go of what we cannot.
Foods are not bad or good.
How and when and why we use them is.
How they make you feel short and long term is.
How you feel all the other times you aren’t eating or drinking them is.
How they affect your stress, energy, hunger, fullness and ability to cope and self soothe is.
Sometimes, we just don’t know what else to do.
Sometimes, we get stuck in a habit and it seems like the only option.
Sometimes, we think we are giving ourselves a food reward treat and it’s really sabotage that takes us back to where we started and feels uncontrollable.
Sometimes we think it feels better than the day we just had or have to begin.
Our ego will do everything it can, kicking and screaming to fulfill the story it believes is our truth. Including your relationship to food, how you believe you deserve to be loved, how you look, how you talk, who you hang out with, what you reveal, what you want people to think of you, what boundaries you have (or don’t have), what you believe you deserve in a job, friends, time to yourself and what you’ll take action for.
If I can make an aha moment for myself in a Starbucks line, you can too.
Anyone triggered by trying on clothes?
Anyone triggered by at home learning?
Anyone triggered by masks, for or against?
Anyone triggered by politics?
Anyone triggered by not getting what you want/need when you want/need it?
Anyone triggered by resisting the reality of what is life now verses what it used to be pre-COVID?
What is your power in your triggers? What will you do to uncover what the message in there is for you? What are they protecting you from?
What now?
7 Powerful Steps to Uncovering Triggers
1. Feel it. No shoving down. No blowing up. Just feel.
2. Sit with it. Start a conversation in your mind or in your journal with the feeling/trigger.
2. Give it a voice.
3. Ask yourself who’s voice is this? Is it yours or someone you have looked up to or a friends or someone you have parted ways with or…? Ask the voice, what are you numbing out or protecting us from?
4. Ask it, what positive intention does it have for you? What’s it’s payoff?
5. Decide how you want to interact with it. How would you ideally like to move forward? What gets in the way? What keeps you triggered? What would you like to feel instead?
6. How will you show up with compassion, courage and kindness for yourself moving forward? What belief will you let go of in order for you to open the door to a new experience?
7. Practice.
You don’t need fixing.
You don’t need to be changed.
You do need to know small hinges open big doors and there’s a new one ready when you are.
Food is so much more than food.
The journey is real.
The trigger is our teacher.
You and I are born to thrive.
Want to take a deep dive into uncovering your greatest power and release the triggers keeping you in stuck in an anxious, exhausted cycle to heal your relationship to food and yourself?
I am a Certified Health/Life Coach who works with women over 40 who have given everything to everyone else and want to heal their relationship with themselves, release anxiety and take back their power from the struggles and trauma they’ve faced. No one in my tribe is ever just another hour, I became the person I needed when I was frustrated, overwhelmed, disassociated and numb and believe in giving others the freedom, framework and permission to heal and thrive.
If you’d ever like to connect, I’m here for you.
Xoxo,
Christy